Titanic II

Well, after months of anticipation I finally get to watch Titanic II.

I love cheesy straight to video/tv movies, sometimes it's fun to watch poorly animated monsters terrorize poorly acted people. Or see what poor production quality can turn out, and of course the one D- list actor who is the "star power" of the film, but couldn't get a job at a craft service table on a real Hollywood set. However despite the potential of a film called Titanic II, it even failed to be a " fun bad movie" and was just bad.

Written, directed, and starring Dick Van Dykes grandson Shane, the film itself is more of a disaster then the ship crash It's portraying. There is no character development beyond our main star(that's saying alot) the story is just a total mess, there is no build up at al to get any attachment to the ship itself which in the end is nothing more then a forgettable set piece( again, saying alot). The interior just make no sense. This is an ocean liner, and it has a high school gym, a shopping mall ,a long concrete stairwell, an infirmary that must only stock tape because when someone is injured, IN THE INFIRMARY, our hero decides taping his CREDIT CARD over the wound is the best course of action. But the highlight of the ship of course, an 8 story elevator!

The story is this, a dude drops a bottle of snow in Alaska, is causes ice to collapse which sends a large wave across the world and throws an iceberg, yes, throws and iceberg, a lone drifting iceberg, into the SS Titanic II on its maiden voyage during the 100th aniversary of the original, and it sinks. And yes the words " not again" are spoken thank you. Oh and it randomly explodes part way through the sinking and kills a bunch of "main" characters at once. Except the guy that punches the fire back...

So that's that. There is a film called " Titanic II" and yes it sometimes tries to mimic moments from james camerons Titanic, and laughably fails. This movie is also unwatchably bad,which is a shame because the idea could have been executed enough to be fun to watch and make fun of, and though there was plenty to make fun of and laugh about afterwards, it was not fun to watch. It was rather painful! But unfortunately it also does one more thing. Destroys the Van Dyke legacy. Poor Grampy Dick!

1/10

A Film(?) by: Shane Van Dyke